im not trying to seek attention, but lately my life has been really fucking shit, my best friends mom
recently go cancer and is dying from it

my its been almost a year since my sister was raped by her ex bf, and so much other shit has happened
i dont really know what to feel anymore yk? Like i wish i can just live so peacefully, where everything
can be all nice and cool and funny, but life doesnt work like that, i know that life has its ups and downs
and stuff but this feels like ive been down for so long idk if i can hold it anymore tbh, i still am scared
of my addiction to drugs

because im scared if one day im going to lose control of it, and then end up killing myself, but also-
i wouldnt mind if i did or not at the same time, im just so fucking confused and i feel like i dont
really have a purpose. Im 16 but i literally have no idea what the fuck i wanna do with my life, its making
me stress a lot

what if i choose the wrong job? what if i accidentally say something to a person at my future job and
get fired. yk, as a kid i always wanted to grow up ig, but now i want to stop growing im really scared
of new things, i dont really like change either, I have no idea what the fuck to do tbh, I dont even know
why the fuck im on doxbin ranting about this shit